I was rather excited for this one, because the “Star Wars” system they were using is one that I’ve played in with some friends. (Hence part of the motivation for a live transcript.) There are actually special dice for it, green that give successes and advantages (which can be upgraded to yellow), purple that give failures and threats (which can be upgraded to red, generally by the DM or Dungeon Master), and white/black dice that can add to a roll. Plus there’s the force die that creates tokens at the start.
After the opening crawl, Big Mike (of the 404s), the DM, indicated that there’d be levels of challenge (Green, Yellow and Red) as voted on by the audience (using cards). He would determine what that meant in terms of dice. The players were Doug Walker (Nostalgia Critic), Nash (Radio Dead Air), Linkara (Atop the 4th Wall) and Conal (Doctor Terawatt). If you would prefer to simply WATCH what happened, D20 Live has the YouTube (it’s over two hours, but is obviously more in-depth/accurate than my typing).
USE THE FORCE
We start by rolling for force points, to determine the light/dark tokens available.
Doug: Two white.
Nash: ...
DM/Mike: Roll again, it landed in the crack of the table.
Nash: I would like crack. One white.
Linkara: One black.
Terawatt: One black.
BigMike explains, when they want to improve their dice, they hand me their (white) tokens. To improve mine, I give them my (black) tokens. The scene is two years after the battle of Endor (from “Return of the Jedi”). Anything could tip the balance in the favour of the Empire. Kindly introduce yourselves:
Doug: This is my first time doing this.
DM/Mike: That might have helped you in more ways than you realized.
Doug: I’m Droid-777, aka Lucky. I have seven appendages, but they can be retracted.
Nash: In and out and in and out.
Doug: Have weapons like a flamethrower. I used to work at Jabba the Hutt’s palace, but moving on, I’m looking for someone who can beat me or kill me. Have done odd jobs. I was the one who killed JarJar.
Nash: I am Tak, you need thing, I get you thing.
DM/Mike: He [Nash] is a Chiss if you didn’t get that.
Linkara: In the tales of the Jedi Order, there has been a legend about a legendary figure. A Jedi, known for theatrics and imitating animals. As names are passed on, they devolve. I, a humble astromech droid, am ST-3V, in honour of the legendary Jedi Sir Steve. [A reference to last year’s game.]
Terawatt: I am the evil genius today playing Averice Krieg. A human, but to spice things up, I’ve got robot arms and grenades.
Nash: You said you give me Jedi. This is not Jedi, this is bullshit.
DM/Mike: You have a force power.
Doug: Be glad your name’s not a number.
We change the slide, to the planet of Keros-2(?). An ideal stop between light speed jumps. A medium transport, sausage shaped, fled to this location. When they got there they found this... a Death Star moon.
Terawatt: Now wait a minute, this looks a little different.
Nash: I reiterate my wish for fucking Jedi.
DM/Mike: We have one Jedi, he’s busy.
Doug: This is easy, it’s the size of a fist right?
DM/Mike: This moon is the missing blaster array.
Terawatt: So it is in fact a moon.
Linkara: Why does it have a trench then?
DM/Mike: It’s a hanger bay.
Linkara: Why not have a normal hanger bay?
DM/Mike: Are you insulting the artist?
Linkara: Beep beep. (backs off)
We don’t know why it’s being retrofitted.
Doug: Did any Bothans die to get us these plans?
DM/Mike: No. We’ve improved, we’re no longer sending Bothans.
Doug: Are there any left?
DM/Mike: We’re keeping one in a drawer, his name’s Craig.
We want to send in a crack infiltration team.
Nash: Where are they? (Nash curses/speaks in tongue.)
Linkara: I can translate that, but I think you got the gist of it.
DM/Mike: We’ve refurbished the shuttle from Battle of Endor to get in. Headed to Endor for it now.
Terawatt: Using same shoes twice, basically?
DM/Mike: Yes, we are on a budget.
Linkara: Do we have codes?
Doug: I have an Ewok in the glove compartment.
Nash: How far can you throw Ewok?
DM/Mike: Any additional questions before arrival?
Linkara: Do we know where to land?
DM/Mike: We’ll shuttle you down.
Linkara: But where?
DM/Mike: The old Imperial station. It’s ours now. We blew up the array, not the platform. It still works.
Terawatt: So our job is to go in and disable The Moon.
DM/Mike: Effectively yes, or destroy it. If you wish to sacrifice your lives for the Rebel cause. We need it gone or not working. Once you do, get a signal to us, we’ll do the rest.
Terawatt: Would you be upset if we crashed the moon into the planet.
DM/Mike: Yes, we don’t know if our guys are alive or dead on the planet.
Linkara: If we find out they’re dead?
DM/Mike: Go nuts. Would you like to roll on doing the math for destroying all stormtroopers in a moon sized base?
(Everyone in Audience holds up green cards, aka easy roll)
Doug: I roll to do the math? This is the funnest game ever!
Doug rolls, “what does all that mean”. Blaster symbols are successes, so you figured it out. It will take him more than a day of solid killing.
Linkara: So our mission is infiltrate the moon and disable.
Terawatt: Do we have more than a day?
DM/Mike: When we get your signal, we’re blowing that thing back to hell.
Linkara: Equipment?
DM/Mike: We could give you thermal detonators.
Nash: How obvious is prosthetics on Averice?
DM/Mike: Has one fake hand, and rocket boots.
Terawatt: I thought it was both arms.
DM/Mike: No, just one. Weight.
Doug: Can we just put thermal detonators on mouse droids?
Linkara: Do we have any of those droids?
DM/Mike: You have one. You know they’re sentient and feel fear, right?
Linkara: Don’t worry, I’m good with the hacking.
Doug: Can we program it to laugh before it explodes.
(DM/Mike checks, mostly Green from audience.)
DM/Mike: Linkara, roll. Want to help him?
Linkara: 3 splodies, and wings, one with wings.
DM/Mike: Explodies are successes, wings are advantages. No failures [on his roll], so yes it will laugh.
(Nash and others mention supplies)
DM/Mike: We are engaging in the moral ethics of droid slaves, as to whether they feel fear before they die.
Linkara: I want it as a surveillance tool, not a suicide bomber. I didn’t put the bomb in it!
THE ADVENTURE BEGINS
You have arrived at the Forest of Endor. The shuttle lands then takes off. Your transport is here, yet no other rebel people at this location.
Doug: I say we blow it up.
DM/Mike: You in Imperial clothes yet?
Nash: No, we’ll do it on the shuttle. I use force dice to check for sentience.
DM/Mike: When you want to use it, you can use the dice equal to your force rating.
(Nash rolls)
DM/Mike: Four other minds on this platform, and they feel fear. They’re in the elevator area.
Doug: Are they mouse droids?
(Linkara has thought, Nash says he hasn’t even told them yet)
DM/Mike: Yes, hate each other. Let the hatred flow. Oh, God, that works this year.
Nash: There is things in the elevator shaft.
Terawatt: Yes, cables and tubes.
Nash: No...
DM/Mike: Men come out with sharpened sticks, dressed in Imperial armour. Something has hunted them. “We need to get off this planet. We’re taking that Imperial shuttle.”
Nash: “You do not want to take that shuttle. No, no, you look like you have been through an ordeal. Where are your pants.”
DM/Mike: “The things took ‘em, they ate Steve’s foot. We want off this planet, put your hands up.”
(Nash rolls to bluff, audience Yellow. They do look half starved, hunted by Ewoks for two years, so add an advantage dice. Roll Skullduggery.)
Terawatt: You need help? I got that too.
Nash: I have, 3 advantage, 2 success.
DM/Mike: I have one threat, one failure, so you have convinced them you are friends. [Result of 1 success, 2 advantage]
Nash: “This shuttle is no good, we came for salvage.”
DM/Mike: You want us to wait here [while you do that]?
Nash: “You want burgers or something?”
DM/Mike: Yeah.
Doug: I could hunt an Ewok and cook him.
Nash: How important are Ewoks strategically?
Linkara: They’re not.
Nash: Okay, you go.
DM/Mike: Several Hours Later, he [Doug] comes back with a bunch of meat, no questions. They’re now trying to cook the meat.
Nash: It’s Ewoks, you have to eat them before they eat you.
(Linkara advocates leaving as soon as able.)
DM/Mike: And you escape. You’ve left Imperial troopers on the platform. As it takes off, they realize the shuttle does work.
Nash: And they have Ewok bones in the forest. That’s better than killing them.
So you’re travelling through Hyperspace. Arrive at the Moon. (Not that one.) And as you’re travelling through deep space. (Person runs by with floaty graphic.) “You’re not making the noise.”
Terawatt: Better effects and animation than you’ll get for that new Berserk anime.
DM/Mike: I’m sad, I made that.
Transmission from station. Provide authorization.
Linkara: We have the old codes. Two year old codes.
DM/Mike: Would you like to come up with a cover story?
Linkara: Yes. Who has the best bluff stats?
Terawatt: Our blue friend.
Linkara: (to Nash) Say we were left behind on Endor, need supplies.
Terawatt: So we’re THOSE guys?
Linkara: With my droid memory, can cross reference armour with their names. I give their information to the others.
(Audience votes mostly Red)
DM/Mike: Because it’s real, add an advantage die.
Nash: I want to sense thought to see how on alert they are.
DM/Mike: Want to spend a light side point?
Nash: I’ll save that for the really bad shit.
DM/Mike: We know this is going to go tits up in five seconds but we don’t know how.
(Five advantages, no success)
DM/Mike: I had 2 fail. “Your story checks out, but please provide security codes.” So they believe but are asking for extra clearance. Would you like to hack?
(Mostly Red cards.)
Linkara: Well, this isn’t good.
Terawatt: You got 1 success, 1 advantage and a triumph.
DM/Mike: Perfect. Because you got a triumph, you get to tell me what happens in your favour.
Linkara: Thinking of a really good story here. We get the codes in, and they’re the perfect ones that not only give us access to the facility, they’re a partial imperial code that lets us get the best bay.
DM/Mike: You get the very best bay in the station. It’s not the Michael Bay.
Linkara: I mean the best equipment and least security.
DM/Mike: That’s the one. A janitor is putting up a sign saying “Welcome Grand Admiral Thrawn”.
Linkara: That was part of my plan.
Terawatt: Nooo.
DM/Mike: You’ve got a time limit guys.
Nash: Wait, I have an idea! Listen. These buncha humans, to them one blue guy looks just like another blue guy. Right?
Linkara: You must be force sensitive because you read my mind.
Nash: So I am blue guy.
(Audience votes Green cards)
DM/Mike: The flaw in my letting you be a Chiss. Grand Admiral Thrawn wasn’t on Endor, man!
Nash: Secret fucking mission!
Doug: Would you argue with Thrawn? I wouldn’t.
Linkara: Anyone there to bluff other than the janitor?
(Audience votes mostly Green)
DM/Mike: There are security officers coming down to meet you.
Nash: I’ll have to streak my hair a bit, look a bit older.
Terawatt: With what?
Nash: With my disguise kit.
DM/Mike: Apparently we’re abusing it for evil now. As opposed to what I anticipated.
(DM, I’m upgrading my die. They upgrade back “it doesn’t nullify”.)
Nash: 3 successes, 3 advantage.
DM/Mike: I hate you and everything you represent. But two of those advantages are negated. They believe you, and you have nice accommodations in my battle station.
Terawatt: He just comes down the ramp in a fake moustache saying “hello, I want to see your thermal exhaust ports”.
DM/Mike: Why not tell us, we answer directly to you.
Nash: Someone listening in on comm traffic.
DM/Mike: Is that how Thrawn sounds?
Nash: A little bit, yeah.
Terawatt: It doesn’t matter.
IMPERIAL SHENANIGANS
No picture, because I didn’t anticipate nice rooms. I figured you’d be in the commissary.
Nash: Thrawn collects the most expensive artwork.
Linkara: We loot the room.
Terawatt: I fill my trousers with expensive art.
(DM/Mike “got nothing on my purple dice guys”, so go to town. They put art in Linkara/droid)
DM/Mike: A guy comes to see you.
Terawatt: “We’re just redecorating.”
DM/Mike: This is supposed to be Star Wars it’s turned into low rent art theft.
Terawatt: This is Spaceballs and you know it.
Doug: I say we turn off the lights. We’re droids, we can see.
(Reds/Yellows for hacking Thrawn’s terminal.)
Linkara: 1 success, 3 advantage.
DM/Mike: Well I got 1 fail, so you didn’t succeed. But you did get a lot of advantages. So what were you trying to do?
Linkara: Find the fusion reactor, something we can blow.
You get map of base as a whole, but not where to blow. (Graphic up) At the top is the main control room. There’s also a reactor control room. And the dishes, but if you want to be on those you’ve made a bad mistake. And hangers, armouries, etc.
Linkara: How ready is this weapon?
DM/Mike: It’s perfectly ready.
Linkara: I have a terrible, wonderful idea, but I will propose it later. I want to figure out some other stuff. Control over doors?
DM/Mike: Right now, none.
Linkara: Let’s talk, to get ideas.
DM/Mike: Message coming in. “Grand Admiral, we have a question for you. How can you be in your room when you just sent us a coded transmission saying you’ll be here within the next three hours.”
Doug: Decoy?
Nash: What type of ship is that coming in on?
DM/Mike: A star destroyer which you yourself should be on.
Nash: They found it. Interesting.
DM/Mike: Sorry, what?
Nash: After the death of the Emperor, some of our vessels were out of communication for some time.
DM/Mike: Oh god no.
Nash: The reason we were on Endor, we were forced from our star destroyer, we had to eject and land on the planet.
DM/Mike: Let’s do this, Nash!
Nash: 4 advantage, 1 success.
DM/Mike: 2 fail. You have more advantages than I do, so here’s how it’s going to go down. “Thank you Grand Admiral, your story checks out completely.” But the doors to the room aren’t locked, you can get out.
Terawatt: Ok, sweet, grenades out.
Linkara: I’m not done hacking here.
Doug: I have a flamethrower.
Linkara: Here’s what I need you guys to say, they won’t believe it from a droid. “30 of you go to this area, 30 of you to this area.” (Clarifies, as if more people here) And leave a bomb behind.
Nash: I can try and sell that.
(Audience yellow and green. Nash 2 success, 3 advantage.)
DM/Mike: You’re fine, they think there’s more of you.
Terawatt: Did I set them up the bomb.
DM/Mike: You succeeded.
Linkara: Problem. Security room is most guarded, but if we’re there, we can lock down the place.
Terawatt: I like how the astromech droid has the best ideas.
Linkara: I am not limited by a meatbag brain.
Nash: Security room sounds like a smart plan.
DM/Mike: As you head down the hallway, you run into stormtroopers. “It’s the blue guy, get him!” Yes, it’s a little racist. Initiative. (Vigilance)
DM/Mike: The stormtroopers are going last. [Terawatt] You’re first.
Terawatt: I throw a grenade.
DM/Mike: Make a ranged throw. ... You made it.
Terawatt: How much damage do thermal detonators do?
DM/Mike: You threw a thermal detonator?!
Nash: Big boom.
DM/Mike: Two stormtroopers are dead.
Terawatt: How did the other two survive?
DM/Mike: It landed behind them. The klaxons are going off now, and you can’t go down that hallway no more.
Terawatt: Sorry for blowing up the hallway.
Linkara: Maybe save those for later.
(Doug rolls a critical on flamethrower.)
DM/Mike: So here’s what happens. As they come forwards from the explosion, one of your arms folds out, and they look up. Is there anything you’d like to say before they die.
Doug: Do you feel lucky?
DM/Mike: They look at each other in confusion.
Doug: My name is Lucky!
DM/Mike: So as you fire, you scream your name is Lucky, they don’t react as they’re screaming from immolation. The hallway has been pacified.
Nash: Can we get to the security room now?
DM/Mike: I gave you like 20 grenades and you’re wasting the thermal detonators?
Terawatt: I had like 10.
DM/Mike: So you get to the security door, how will you get in. You do need to use the room when you’re done!
Linkara: We may need to lock the door from behind us. I’m hacking.
(Yellow cards)
Nash: While he’s doing that, any ventilation shafts visible?
DM/Mike: Perception.
(Rolling)
DM/Mike: Overall [hack is] a threat. So you still succeeded, but the situation is somehow mine. Also you found a ventilation shaft.
Nash: I’ll try to get in there.
Terawatt: You may not want to do that.
Doug: I believe we have a mousy droid.
Linkara: Send it in with a stun/flash grenade.
DM/Mike: So you shove this thing in. Hear, “What the hell is this.” *boom* So the door opens, but not all the way. So you’ll have to go in one at a time.
(Decision that Doug goes in.)
DM/Mike: There are five bewildered men there.
Doug: So I climb around on the wall with my 7 limbs, drop down and pants them, and then flamethrower their faces.
DM/Mike: You’ve been thinking about that for a while.
Doug: No, it just came to me.
(Doug rolls another critical. Crowd chants “Lucky!”.)
DM/Mike: The droid goes in, and all you hear is “AAAAAHHH!!”. One guy left is badly burned but attacks you back. Let’s see how he fares. (rolls) He has shot himself in the foot in a panic. He falls and looks up at you with pity.
Doug: I kick him around like a soccer ball.
Nash: I thought we were good guys.
DM/Mike: As the doors shut behind you, good time to take a break.
They took a 10-15 minute break at just past the hour mark. There were cards marked with an X or a Circle. “You get the dice bag of holding and you get the bag of devouring. Each with 140 dice.” Thank you to Shane! (Mentions this isn’t going on YouTube. So there’s your proof that I was there.)
BASE FIGHTS
DM/Mike: Welcome back. I do need to change. (From “DM is always right” shirt to “D20 live”.) You have successfully taken over the security office of this base, the baby death star maybe.
Linkara: Moon baby.
Terawatt: Moon Base II.
DM/Mike: Thrawn is on his way.
Linkara: I’ll lock the doors.
(5 success, 1 advantage.)
DM/Mike: On the only time I got two failures, Linkara, thank you.
Nash: You found locks they didn’t even know they had.
Linkara: I think we should send them on false leads and lock them up places.
Nash: Wait, does this moon have an atmosphere externally?
DM/Mike: No. Would you like to know where atmosphere controls are? Not this room.
Nash: So can’t open airlocks.
DM/Mike: It’s in the main room.
Linkara: Let’s start locking things up.
Doug: Is there gas on the death moon, we can just gas everybody?
Terawatt: That’s thinking like a robot.
Linkara: They probably have filtration in their helmets.
Nash: No, they don’t, didn’t you see “Force Awakens”?
Linkara: Oh, right. Do it everywhere but here? What supplies are here?
DM/Mike: Not gas masks.
Linkara: Are there mouse droids?
DM/Mike: No. They’ve had a subconscious fear of this room. Of course it would be, because it’s Imperial, there’s a neural toxin, it’s a security defence. But you have to roll to find it.
(Audience is mixed on difficulty.)
Terawatt: I’ve got computers, I can help.
DM/Mike: Spending a dark side point.
(1 success, 3 advantage.)
DM/Mike: How the fuck did I do that. We literally cancelled each other out. Nothing bad happened, nothing good happened, it’s just nothing. You can’t find it.
Terawatt: Have you tried turning it off and on again.
Linkara: No time. This thing uses Windows 95.
Terawatt: It’s the Empire, what do you expect.
Linkara: Can we control sending people to various rooms?
Nash: Internal turrets, any lasers?
DM/Mike: They’re called stormtroopers. The Emperor’s an asshole, he’s not a personally debilitating psychotic asshole.
(Nash rolls on sending people places. 4 success, no advantages. 2 fails, 2 disadvantages/threats.)
DM/Mike: So you succeed by two, but here’s what happens. As they’re getting scattered, across the comms you hear one guy, “Wait, why are we all being sent to different areas? Security control, why?”
Linkara: We’ve already convinced him there’s more than one group of people around.
Nash: Because we have reports of multiple strike steams on this base, very dangerous.
Doug: How are you.
(Audience says hard. 1 success, 5 advantage. 4 fails, 2 disadvantages.)
DM/Mike: Roger security control, stay put, please.
Linkara: I have control of the blast doors, right? I’ll block off the main route.
Terawatt: Now we go in the vents.
Linkara: Not yet. I’ll try to block.
DM/Mike: Why don’t you guys just leave?
Doug: We haven’t killed enough people and played soccer with their heads.
DM/Mike: You have two things you can do before they get here. What.
Nash: Clear path to main control and codes to get in. And we should booby trap the fuck out of this place.
(Crowd chants “yes”. Main control or reactor control?)
DM/Mike: Reminder that reactor control is separate from everything else.
Nash: Reactor control then.
Terawatt: It’s like trying to get to a bathroom in Resident Evil.
Linkara: Do we want control of the gun, or disable the gun?
Terawatt: Turn off the moon.
Nash: If we have control of the reactor, we can set the damn thing off.
Linkara: So path to reactor control.
Nash: Ooh! Can I sense how dense, people in the area?
DM/Mike: Use your force power. If you spend a light side token...
Nash: All right.
DM/Mike: You’re tired, angry... you’re figuring it out. You see a clear path, and are feeling a bit angrier today.
Terawatt: How can you be angry given all this art we have?
(1 success, 3 advantage VERSUS 1 fail, 2 threats, so only 1 advantage here.)
DM/Mike: You have not cleared a path per se, but all the doors between you and there have no security locks on them.
Terawatt: Have I heard the trap from Thrawn’s room?
DM/Mike: There is a beeping there [on monitor].
Terawatt: Krieg giggles to himself.
(Booby trap roll, 5 advantages.)
DM/Mike: So you failed completely?
Nash: But he did it well.
DM/Mike: You tried to set the security bomb, this is great, but then dropped it. Where did it go? And when you look at the security cameras, you have a clear path now. So you have not booby trapped the room but your path is a bit clearer.
Terawatt: Throw a grenade as we leave.
So you take the turboshaft down to the same level as reactor control. Four stormtroopers open fire.
Linkara: Do we have any cover?
Nash: You ARE cover.
Linkara: I’ve got precious artwork inside of me.
Doug: I have artwork too. I grab my blades and throw artwork at them to distract them.
DM/Mike: My attack’s first though.
Linkara: Mike, anything’s possible with the acrobatics roll.
DM/Mike: I got a lot of successes guys.
(Audience chants “No”.)
Linkara: Don’t they get to vote?
DM/Mike: Not for combat, for skills. Let’s see who gets hit. Holy shit, Doug, you aren’t that lucky. Damage is 9 minus soak, so you took 4 damage out of a total of 12.
Terawatt: So you’re at 8.
DM/Mike: Holy crap, I hit a player! Roll initiative, it’s vigilance.
Doug: I got all sparklies.
DM/Mike: Doug you’re firing first, they have hurt you. They have wronged you. I believe you had a maneuver.
Doug: The original one or the new one? What kind of creature is Yoda?
Terawatt: I thought he would beat them to death with priceless art.
Doug: Let’s call him “a Yoda”, one of the items was a taxidermy Yoda. I throw it, and while they’re looking at it, I go and decapitate all of them.
DM/Mike: That was weird, add two advantage to your roll. What are you using?
Doug: I like to see them burn.
Linkara: Some men just want to watch stormtroopers burn.
Doug: I knock them on the floor and flamethrower their necks off.
DM/Mike: You have killed two, but I got 3 threat, you also set off the halon system, so now they have cover. Linkara.
Terawatt: He’s got a stun probe, he’s going to taser them in the balls.
Linkara: I have a fusion cutter, and a shock probe, and a vibrosword, and a holdout blaster. Any ports?
DM/Mike: You can shoot and look, but if you hack also, you incur strain.
Linkara: I’ll shoot real quick.
(2 success. Mike’s head goes down. “I hate you, Linkara.”)
Linkara: Damage five.
DM/Mike: You’ve injured one of them in the knee.
Linkara: Now perception. I have a success, and an advantage, and this Jedi symbol.
DM/Mike: Oh, a triumph. Succeeded, but I have more threat.
Linkara: I not only see a port, it’s a direct link to the fusion reactor.
DM/Mike: Okay, but there is security on that, next round. Conal?
Terawatt: Thermal detonator?
DM/Mike: Lucky is RIGHT THERE. You know it’s 2,000 credits every time you blow one of those up, that’s 1/5th the price of a light sabre.
Terawatt: Captain buzzkill. I’m going to use my heavy blaster pistol. Because why not. I guess I could just shoot him with lasers if I want to be lame.
(2 success, 1 advantage.)
DM/Mike: How did I get that much fail? I got three fail. Your shot goes wild. I’m winning, ish! I’m doing less shitty than normal!
Linkara: What did he shoot?
DM/Mike: I don’t give a crap.
Terawatt: As long as it’s not who did I shoot.
DM/Mike: I didn’t get disadvantages, so nothing bad. Nash?
Nash: My light blaster’s not going to do shit. I have a vibrosword though. Armour with a body stocking, I’m going to go for the joints.
(1 success, 1 advantage VS 1 fail, 3 threat. Crowd chants “less shitty”.)
DM/Mike: What is my life right now? We found the crack in the Emperor’s legion. Shot goes wide, hits the port he was at.
Linkara: For the love of...
Nash: How do I hit that with a vibrosword?
DM/Mike: You tripped.
Linkara: Good work, meat bag.
DM/Mike: The vibrosword fell, flew through the air, and just misses the droid. So, top of the round, two stormtrooopers. One succeeds, one shoots his friend.
(Crowd chants “more shitty”.)
DM/Mike: Back to normal in my life. Not dead though. Doug?
Doug: I haven’t used these shock gloves yet. Want to put them on the head of one until his eyes pop out. Throw the eyes, and while the other guy’s distracted, I’ll shock his nipples off. Then private parts. Then I’ll flamethrower the faces.
DM/Mike: You only get one attack.
Doug: Then the final finishing move will just be with the shock gloves.
Terawatt: What to name this move? May I suggest taser face?
Nash: You’re crossing the streams, man.
Terawatt: Every time it’s Doug’s move it’s like a scene from Hellraiser.
DM/Mike: Melee. Take two advantage, you fucked with my head when you said that. 1 success, 1 advantage - Doug, we cancelled out. So you put the gloves on the side of his head, and you grab the helmet. You now have it.
Doug: Well, I’ve stolen all the other art. “He looka likea man.”
DM/Mike: Linkara.
Linkara: You wasted my port, man.
Nash: You have a light blaster, and he has no helmet.
Linkara: But I’m hurt. So let’s see if we can make him hurt too. (rolls)
DM/Mike: At that range... you missed. And you shot the port again.
Linkara: Well, now we’re even I guess.
Terawatt: Fuck that port.
DM/Mike: I’ve never had NPCs do as well as these two stormtroopers.
(Audience member shouts “Give them names”)
DM/Mike: No, if I give them names you’ll kill them and I’ll be sad.
Terawatt: I’ll just try firing my blaster.
DM/Mike: Add two advantage.
Terawatt: Right, he’s got a robot standing there holding his helmet saying “we have such sights to show you”. (rolls)
DM/Mike: You hit it. What damage? ... You killed him, there’s one left. Nash, want to reclaim your sword in the wall?
Nash: Yup.
DM/Mike: He’s just lost his friend to helmet theft and blaster fire.
(Nash rolls no advantages but one critical.)
DM/Mike: Know what happens in horrors when you get a critical? They die. Killed him, but I had three threats. As you shoot, the shot keeps going...
Nash: It was a sword.
Terawatt: So he feels really bad about it.
DM/Mike: How the hell does that work.
Linkara: What is it with you and that port, man?
DM/Mike: There’s no disadvantage on the port. You cut the head off, it arcs through the air and hits a panic button, and the blast doors ahead shut.
Linkara: I guess I’ll have to hack it OH WAIT. I’m presuming grenades will do nothing.
(Crowd chants “Thermal”)
DM/Mike: It will take more than one thermal.
(Crowd chants “Do the math”)
Terawatt: Mechanical? 4 success, 3 advantage.
DM/Mike: Because you did so well, you’ll only need 3 detonators in the right places.
Terawatt: So I’ll use three, I have four remaining.
DM/Mike: Doors fall forward and smash, and a voice says, “aw shit they got Craig”. There was a technician team of 5 guys, there’s now 4. They’re surprised, so they’re going last.
Terawatt: Surprise motherfuckers!
Linkara: What are they armed with?
DM/Mike: They have hydrospanners. Guys in the black outfits. You’re in control, so you can roll your “Cool” [for initiative]. Cool under pressure. I didn’t create this system, I will show you the page, I know it doesn’t make sense.
(All players roll)
FINAL BATTLE
DM/Mike: Linkara, you’re going first.
Linkara: Are there any ports in this room now?
DM/Mike: Yes.
Nash: He really wants to stick it into a port. *singing*
Linkara: Lucky, cover me.
Doug: I think I would call that the Hard to Port. Heyo.
DM/Mike: It’ll take a maneuver to get there, you can spend two strain to also interface, but you go over, you pass out.
Linkara: Let’s face it. I’m a walking trashcan, not a combat thing. Don’t want to miss with a stab, and then he kicks me over.
DM/Mike: So go ahead.
Linkara: I do have my shock probe. Should I try to attack them or go to the port.
Doug: Do that, so I can attack them.
Nash: This the combat droid, you the fuckup machine droid.
Linkara: I will go over and take the strain damage.
(slight crowd reaction)
DM/Mike: One of them got shot and one is now a little fatigued, after all the stormtroopers in their wake.
Linkara: How many are left?
DM/Mike: More than you’ve killed.
Doug: Do the math.
(Interfacing: no success, 4 advantage VS 1 fail, 1 disadvantage.)
DM/Mike: So you didn’t succeed but have safely found cover, you could attack by surprise next turn. Conal.
Terawatt: If I want to intimidate people?
(Crowd person: “It’s called a grenade.”)
DM/Mike: Coersion.
Terawatt: Can I get others to help?
DM/Mike: It’s combat so it uses their turn.
Terawatt: I will pull out a thermal detonator and arm it and say “Drop it, I will blow us all up”.
Nash: I will use my turn to assist him. Sell it up.
Terawatt: “He’ll do it, he’s a fucking loon.”
(Dice upgrading.)
Terawatt: 2 success, 5 advantage. He’s smiling though.
DM/Mike: Negates my fail, but I didn’t hear a triumph in there and I have my equivalent. Despair. So they all put their hands up and you hear a message, “Fire control, Grand Admiral Thrawn is Inbound.”
Terawatt: Turn off the moon! Tell them we’re not here.
DM/Mike: With my despair, he’s here. “Please reply, over.”
Linkara: I’m still in this port.
DM/Mike: The only thing you have control of is the reactor and the blaster.
Linkara: Has he landed yet?
DM/Mike: No, his star destroyer is here.
Linkara: We could fire the giant laser at him, how difficult is that.
DM/Mike: Are you trying to kill Thrawn?!
(Audience votes half red, half green.)
DM/Mike: I know what I’m going to do with this. Thank you.
Terawatt: I go to the console with the detonator still in my hand.
DM/Mike: The technicians are all backing up against the wall.
Nash: Wait, I have an idea. I go back and get a stormtrooper armour while they’re doing all that.
(Dice, figuring out with force points. 2 success, 3 advantage. Mike facepalms.)
Terawatt: Little sunglasses slide down on the astromech droid.
DM/Mike: In the new canon, they haven’t said how Thrawn dies. As blasters turn on, you hear, “Fire control, this is dish control, what’s going on guys.”
Linkara: Everything’s fine.
DM/Mike: Bluff these guys?
Terawatt: Are you back with your armour?
Nash: Am I?
DM/Mike: I can work with that.
Nash: There’s a rebel fleet pursuing the admiral in, we’re trying to provide cover.
(4 success, 1 advantage.)
DM/Mike: “Roger fire control, send them right back to hell.”
(Crowd chants “YES”.)
DM/Mike: And as you all look at the display and the target changes to that of a star destroyer, from main control room they’re looking out. And then green lance of light shoots into the dark and hits the star destroyer that came in. A bunch of Imperial officers are going (hands at face, tapping fingers). “Fire control this is main control. Hi guys. Um. We think you missed whatever you were trying to hit.”
Nash: “Did we? Well, what did we hit?”
DM/Mike: You may have destroyed Admiral Thrawn’s ship.
Nash: May have? Can we confirm that?
DM/Mike: “We can’t confirm, as you blew it up!” Are you actually bluffing, trying to say this was an accident?! Fuck that, I’m upgrading the dice.
(5 success, 1 adv.)
DM/Mike: I got another Despair.
Terawatt: While they’re talking, Krieg turns to the engineers and says “yeah motherfucker, what nowwww”.
DM/Mike: So they believe you, then say, “Wait rebel cursers are coming in! Prepare to open fire.”
Terawatt: Turn off the moon.
DM/Mike: The cruisers are coming in to blow it up, and you’re still on it.
Nash: Here’s what we’re going to do, this was my idea. We don’t have to blow this up, just make sure this thing can’t shoot back. We go in, pull some parts out, and take them with us. Just have to get to the reactor to do that.
DM/Mike: Actually, just destroy these consoles. Firing control and reactor control are the same room. For security purposes. In event the main control room is taken over.
Nash: You guys start pulling fuses, etc and break this shit.
DM/Mike: I can see Conal’s explosion erection from here.
Linkara: Clear path back to ship?
Nash: That was my idea. I’ll put on the stormtrooper armour, run down the hall, “they’re right behind us”, and then shoot them from behind.
Terawatt: And I’m wearing one of their flight suits.
Linkara: Wait, can we put on one of the technician suits?
DM/Mike: For who?
Terawatt: Put one of their helmets on the astromech droid. Hope that’s enough.
DM/Mike: You’re dressing Lucky up in a suit?
Nash: He’s an IG unit, his head goes like this. (hand motions)
Terawatt: It’ll be like you if tried to dress up a coat hanger.
DM/Mike: Now you’re stripping a man of his clothes.
Doug: It’s not the worst thing we’ve done today.
Nash: So we’ll bluff our way back to the hanger bay.
Linkara: (asks timing, should Nash be a technician or stormtrooper) Technician would be more believable running away.
Nash: That’s true.
DM/Mike: You’re in technician’s clothes, Conal’s got the flight suit, astromech droid no one cares, Doug? As he’s running, there’s a bobblehead effect of the helmet on the IG droid.
Nash: You’re laughing but we’re lucky he didn’t pull the face off a stormtrooper.
Doug: Oh, I’m wearing his face.
Terawatt: Beep boop, want to play some tetherball? Hello fellow hoomans.
(Bluff roll. 1 success, 5 advantage)
DM/Mike: I got 3 failures, so you run past, they think, that doesn’t make any sense. They turn to fire on all of you. Keep running, or fight.
Nash: You guys can fight, I’m going to go warm up the shuttle.
Doug: You guys go, I’ll stay behind. You don’t understand, I’ve been looking for the greatest challenge. The ultimate nemesis to destroy me. I’m going to die in a giant moon of death.
Linkara: This is what he was made for.
Nash: You have fun with this, I get the fuck out.
Terawatt: Quick thing though. Before we ran out of the room wearing everyone else’s clothes and faces, did we remember to turn off the moon?
DM/Mike: Did you?
Nash: That was your job!
DM/Mike: (Question of roll? Hand him force point.) Okay fine, he does it automatically.
Terawatt: Is there still gravity? Is it weakened because it’s now moon gravity?
DM/Mike: Gravity control is in the main room. You can’t turn off the moon completely, it’s on backup power.
Terawatt: I was going to use my rocket shoes.
Nash: You can use them anyway.
Terawatt: Works better with no gravity.
DM/Mike: You’re running up the gangplank. Safely? Attack roll. (Will deal with Doug in a second.)
Terawatt: Can I use rocket shoes for an advantage?
DM/Mike: Yes you can.
Terawatt: Can I carry anyone as I go?
DM/Mike: No, then advantage goes away.
Terawatt: Can I ‘Booster Gold’ this?
DM/Mike: This is Star Wars not Marvel, no.
Linkara: Good thing that’s DC.
Nash: Do not “Well, actually” the DM.
Nash: I’m expending strain to add dodge. And use my gun. (rolls)
Terawatt: I was going to use some strain to rocket shoes my way, while using my gun arm. That’s a holdout blaster, ranged light? (rolls)
DM/Mike: Here’s what happens. Nash, you don’t hit anybody, that wouldn’t make sense, but they’re distracted. The others blast stuff, you’re all making it up. But they have shot the shuttle a lot, so it’s going to be hard to pilot. Who’s the best pilot?
Linkara: He’s got 2 yellow, [Terawatt] you’re the best pilot.
Terawatt: Do we want to spend a thing to upgrade? Spend a coaster. Big money... fuck. 3 successes, 1 advantage.
DM/Mike: 2 failures, 2 threats. So here’s what happens.
Terawatt: It’s a success.
DM/Mike: I know. You’re taking off as the rebel fleet is opening fire, because they recognize your shuttle, they don’t hold back. The explosive plume launches you further out into deep space, you start to cartwheel.
DM/Mike: Now to you, Doug. You’ve been beating up stormtroopers with other stormtroopers. The station is blowing up around you, it’s mostly moon rock. Make an athletics roll.
Terawatt: Dodge the moon explosion?
DM/Mike: I recommend spending a light side token. You’re not going to know what’s going to happen. Let’s do this dance. What’d you get? 2 successes. All right, here’s what happens.
DM/Mike: Lucky is running through the explosions, and he’s knocked into a room. And he’s sitting there content, yes, I can die this way, as explosions go all around him. This is a good death... why do I see space. And he’s arcing through, and he sees stars going past. Wait a minute. Did I survive?!
Doug: Until the next challenge.
DM/Mike: You guys get a radio comm from him. What do you want to tell them?
Doug: Happy fucking life day.
(Crowd chants “YES”)
DM/Mike: Somehow they retrieve Lucky from deep space, as he somehow managed to be in the right room to survive.
Terawatt: Which room is this?
Nash: It’s the moon’s black box.
DM/Mike: And you all go off into deep space on another fine adventure.
(Crowd member: With the art.)
Nash: Yes, the adventure of selling all the fucking merch.
DM/Mike: Thrawn’s art, and you don’t know if he’s dead or alive, but that concludes this year’s D20 live.
Linkara: Wait, did the moon fully explode?
DM/Mike: No, they blew up the section he was in, his part got launched into space.
Linkara: So moon itself is fine. (Wanted to blow up the planet.)
DM/Mike: So anyway, next year?
Terawatt: Are we going to do the math?
DM/Mike: Pokemon. Thanks to ConBravo staff and the D20 Live team and of course my players.
D20Live wrapped up at midnight. As I said in this post, I then peeked in at the dance, and my con summary continues into Sunday.
***
Thanks to YOU for reading this. It should be reasonably accurate (as compared to my other ConBravo posts), as I actually took the time to go through the D20 video, to fix uncertain attributions and references. For further investigation, I was also at Reviewer Q&A for ConBravo 2017 (including Linkara’s Q&A after AT4W live), and the Nostalgia Critic Q&A. Any comments, feel free to leave them below!
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