Friday, 6 July 2018

Now Parenting: Index

Infertility may be more common than you think. For that matter, miscarriages may be as well. That said, I’m now a parent, and thus I will be turning my “Now Teaching” updates (formerly “Not Teaching” updates) into “Now Parenting” updates. But I want to preface that a bit with the journey.

In particular, if you have/are experiencing something similar with conception and/or have questions, feel free to reach out.

In 2012, when I was 35, we bought a house. The next logical step was children. To make a long story short (October 2012 was a hell of a month), we were eventually referred to a fertility clinic in September 2015. By February 2016 we were learning about In Vitro Fertilization (IVF), which involves combining an egg with sperm in a laboratory dish. You may realize that one of these is easier to extract (if not always viable).

To again abbreviate the story, throwing the full gamut of IVF drugs at the situation had no discernible effect, leading us to the egg/sperm donation route. (Beyond this, we were looking at adoption - which I don’t have any information on, you’ll need to find another expert there.) You can’t buy human eggs in Canada, meaning we needed to go through a place in the United States, and either fly down for implantation or have the goods shipped up (we chose the latter). Also, still some hoops to jump through, legal and otherwise. And we were fortunate enough to be able to speak with someone who had experienced it.

After showing that a sample cycle/lining was viable in December 2016, there was a wire transfer of over $55,000 Canadian dollars in January (that’s $43,500 US dollars, which includes a guarantee). Interesting point of privilege here. To this point, I’d experienced a bit of what it’s like to have everyone else living their lives, talking about their children - and me not being a part of that world, through no fault of my own. Yet I am privileged enough to have the money for this. (Granted, it was a bit of a squeeze because that’s the year I wasn’t teaching, but I can see how for many this wouldn’t even be an option.)

And so we restarted the process - and this time it failed, though I’d been getting good at giving injections. We’ve reached April 2017. The once 35-year-old is now turning 42. And, as always, we remain at the mercy of the female reproductive cycle. Guess when things started to finally kick into high gear again? September 2017, when I returned to school after a year off, and was given an entirely new CS prep, along with two other courses. Yeah.

Getting medical leave and put on mood drugs in October might make more sense now, eh? I didn’t want to tell the whole story back then because (1) I didn’t know what the outcome would be, for all I knew this process would still be continuing, and (2) It wasn’t my story alone to tell, and I didn’t want to subject my wife to any questioning. But you can see all the anonymous “medical appointments” chronicled in 2017 and draw your own conclusions. By the way - nine months doesn’t start from implantation, but actually some weeks before. Who knew?

So that’s the story, now here we are. I have a daughter. We didn’t know the sex until just after 5am the day after Father’s Day this year. I also have a wonderful wife, and we’ll be figuring things out for the next while. Including the need to create a personalized book in the next year or to to explain to the little one why she sort of has an extra parental history. I'm taking photos.

Weeks 0-2 coincidence with June teaching, my first full week at home was Week 3.


Week 0: Due this week, nothing yet. I get sick.
Week 1: She's born the morning after Father's Day.
Week 2: Last week of school is crazy.
Week 3: July 2018. Figuring out the new normal?
Week 4: Many random discoveries.
Week 5: Underweight, so we wake her at 3am, woo.
Week 6: No more cold milk, but she's growing.

Week 7: Aug 2018. She's in the bassinet. I'm off meds.
Week 8: Spitups, hijinks - oh, and 10th anniversary.
Week 9: Many outings. Trying to get my writing done.
Week 10: All over the place, but with a nice visit.
Week 11: 

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